Holy Hemorrhoids Batman!!!

Did you know that the Bible has hemorrhoids?

“And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.”  1 Samuel 6:11 (KJV).  Emerods is from the Hebrew word, “tĕchor” which literally means “hemorrhoids.”

I stumbled across a blog in which the writer used emerods and other words to illustrate the fact that most people don’t know their Bible. So in the name of education and a smile, I present the remaining gems for purely illustrative purposes I assure you!

The Bible also talks a lot about, ahem, faeces, too.

41GV4gB8t3L._SL500_AA300_We read in Ezekiel 4:9-17 how God commanded Ezekiel to bake barley cakes over human dung then eat them. Ezekiel refused. God allowed him to cook his cakes over cow dung, instead.

Then there’s also the story of Ehud and King Eglon which can be found in Judges 3:15-26. The Bible tells us that when Ehud buried his sword into King Eglon’s gut the sword pierced Eglon’s bowels causing them to open up. Excrement seeped out of the wound. Eglon’s servants became worried about him, but they were afraid to go check on him because of the smell. They thought that he was still… you know… doing his business.

Then there is Jeremiah who prophesied over Judah that “even the carcasses of men shall fall as dung upon the open field…” (Jeremiah 9:22) and Malachi who did his duty in passing on a message from God to the priest; the Lord was going to spread dung across their faces (Malachi 2:3).

Even in the New Testament the Apostle Paul, when talking about all of his accomplishments, said he counts them all but dung (Philippians 3:8), which in modern times would be the same as saying “It’s all just a bunch of worthless crap!” Isaiah makes a reference to passing wind; “wherefore my bowels shall sound like a harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh” (Isaiah 16:11 KJV). Such poetic means!

But not only does the Bible cover hemorrhoids, faeces and flatulence, it also covers urination.Yes, and the word “piss” is used – often – in the KJV Bible!

“But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?”  (2 Kings 18:27 KJV and Isaiah 36:12).

Also in the KJV,  the term “pisseth against the wall” is used six different times:

1 Samuel 25:22
1 Samuel 25:34
1 Kings 14:10
1 Kings 16:11
1 Kings 21:21
2 Kings 9:8

400_F_43792394_FkVpgo3MEzo7A2VahaGalwVrTML0HsZMSo it is here (yes, feel free to broaden your knowledge of Scripture by using this link) that I shall leave you with 10 Bible verses you will never hear preached in church including the subjects of foreskins, spilled seed, testicles, sex toys and seminal emissions.

2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
Mark 14:51-52 NASB
Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV
Genesis 38:8-10 NASB
1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV
Exodus 4:24-25 NASB
Ezekiel 16:17 NIV
Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET
Judges 3:19-25 ESV
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB


Confessions, revelations and discourse welcome here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s